Makes the heart grow fonder
by Seeroftodayandtomorrow
Summary: Kurt feels that something has been missing from his previous relationships, so he takes a rather unusual way to find the perfect guy. Loosely inspired by a German novel. Rated M for safety.
1. Chapter 1

With a relieved sigh, Kurt dug deeper into his pillow and closed his eyes. It was two o'clock in the morning and he was more than ready for sleep. He had started to drift away when he felt a hand stroking down his back to his ass. Exasperated, he opened his eyes.

"Matt, what are you doing?"

"Come on, Kurt, it's been so long..."

"It's been a week. And I'm up to my ass in studying for mid-terms. I've been awake since five o'clock this morning. I want to sleep."

He could nearly hear Matt's annoyed response, but decided to ignore him. He really didn't need this right now.

After his exam the next morning (that he managed to power through with a large dose of both self-discipline and caffeine), Kurt and Matt met up for lunch. Matt was still in a sullen mood from the night before, and while Kurt could understand that his boyfriend was starting to feel slightly neglected, he could have wished for a little more patience. It was not like Matt had never been stressed; he should be able to relate...although Kurt had to admit that Matt never seemed to be too tired for sex.

"Alright, how about this", he suggested. "Today is tuesday, my last exam is on friday. You stay at your place for the next few days, let me study in peace, and on friday evening we go on a date, and afterwards you stay the night with me and we can...you know."

Matt rolled his eyes. "You know, you should be able to say the word by now", he said. "But okay. I'm not happy with this, but we can do it your way."

This evening, Kurt found himself distracted from his studies by thoughts about Matt. They had been dating for two months; shouldn't they still be in the honeymoon phase? Shouldn't he _want _to sleep with him? The truth was, he slightly dreaded their date on friday. It wasn't that he didn't _like _sex, it just wasn't as important to him. Most of the time, he would have been just as happy, if not more so, to just cuddle up with Matt after their date and go to sleep. But Matt seemed to have a never-ending appetite for sex, and most of their frequent fights were about his perceived lack of it. Kurt, on the other hand, felt like he only ever had sex to please Matt, never for himself.

On wednesday afternoon after work, Kurt was studying for his thursday exam, but couldn't find some important notes. He was halfway through completely wracking his apartment looking for them when he remembered leaving them at Matt's. Sighing, he put on his coat, briefly considered calling but then decided that Matt was probably at work (Yes, he still hadn't down his schedule. Sue him.). He took a cab over and opened the door with the spare key, but stood still when he heard a weird noise coming from Matt's room. Kurt's last conscious thought as he crossed the hall and silently opened the bedroom door was "This is such a cliche", and he nearly laughed out loud when he saw Matt's apparently not-so-straight roommate Frank scramble to cover himself while Matt sat there with both hands pressed on his mouth in shock.

"Wow. You couldn't have waited two more days?" Kurt asked, proud that he managed to sound calm and not overly accusatory, but then blushed, because there was a very real possibility that this wasn't Frank's first stumble into the realm of homosexual sex with his roommate. He closed the door, softly, grabbed what of his things he encountered on th way to the front door, and left. In the cab he sent an emergency text to Rachel:

"Meet me at home. Bring ice cream."

They were seated on the couch with an empty tub of Ben&Jerry's between them and an equally empty wine bottle on the table.

"How are you feeling?" Rachel asked quietly.

"I don't know. Kind of numb. Apathetic."

"At least you're not _pathetic, _like him", Rachel said, and then broke into hysterical laughter.

Kurt looked at her for a few seconds and then couldn't help but join in. It felt cathartic.

...

"You're quiet", Rachel remarked a few weeks later. "Are you still hung up on Matt?"

"No, I'm not", Kurt answered. "I wasn't in love with him, not really, we hadn't progressed so far. But the whole thing...got me thinking." He poured himself a glass of water and sat down at their small dinner table. "I think that the sex is the problem. I used to think, and Matt helped me there, that there was something wrong with me, you know? For not wanting it that much? But now I think that we just weren't compatible in that. There have to be other guys like me out there, guys who like sex, but don't want it all the time and who don't look to solve their problems that way."

"So, what now?" Rachel asked. "Are you going to take my advice and concentrate on your career?"

"My career is just fine, Rachel, thanks", Kurt said, thinking that Rachel was only following her own advice because at the moment, her love life was sub-par. "No. I want all that, you know? I want romance, I want kissing, touching, I might even want sex, I just don't want to feel pressured by it."

"You sound like you should go looking for a girl."

Kurt had to laugh. "Not gonna happen, Rachel. I'll continue looking for the right guy. I'll just do it more...efficiently."

He opened his laptop, went to a LGBT-friendly dating site, selected the best picture of himself he could find, and started making a profile. Finally, with a deep breath, he entered his preferences:

Male, intelligent, impotent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning for slight non-con!**

When Kurt was completely honest, he knew that he was...experimenting. He also knew that he had probably been somewhat hasty when he had added that particular preference to his profile. He knew nothing about impotence and should have at least done some research. He also was quite sure that he didn't really want to never have sex again, if he really should find the man of his dreams this way.

Rachel seemed to share his doubts.

„Kurt!" she screeched, of course after he had clicked the 'submit' button. „What are you doing?"

„Look, Rachel, I suppose I haven't really thought this through, but I really think that this could be a good thing for me. If anything comes from it, that is. Anyway, it is done, and it was done for the best."

„You don't have to quote Mr Darcy on me", said Rachel, obviously proud that she caught the reference although it wasn't that surprising because they had marathoned _Pride and Prejudice _after Kurt's and Matt's breakup. „But what will you do if you find yours? Your Mr Darcy, I mean? And you can never have sex with him?"

„Well", Kurt answered. „I guess...that's why they invented masturbation?"

All his doubts aside, Kurt could never have foreseen the reactions to his ad. Three hours after his profile had been uploaded, he had already more than twenty answers, although, as he soon discovered, about half of them were either accusing him to be making fun of men with erectile dysfunctions, or offering to show him what a really potent man could do for him. He answered everyone of those, assuring the indignant parties that it wasn't his intent to insult anybody and that he was, indeed, serious, and leaving the crude ones a message saying that impotence was only one of his requirements, and if they couldn't provide the second one of intelligence then they needn't bother again.

Only then did he take a closer look at the other answers – the real ones, those of men wanting to go on a date with him.

Unsurprisingly, most were older men, in their fifties or older, who were apparently unfazed by the fact that he was twenty-two and in college. Those, he turned down politely. Of the few younger guys, only one was of any kind of interest for him. He was handsome, but not in an intimidating way, and the vulnerability he displayed in his message clashed in an interesting way with his somewhat beefy looks. He looked like he might have been a football player in high school, and Kurt was fascinated by the fact that he might be going out with a guy who looked like he could have been one of the jocks that had tormented him in high school.

Over the next few days, Kurt and David im'ed a little (and Kurt learned that David was actually in college on a football scholarship), and finally decided to go to dinner together. On the evening of their date, Kurt was a little late because he got stuck at work, and when he arrived at the restaurant and looked through the window, he saw a guy that could be David sitting at the bar. He went over and held out his hand.

"David Karofsky? Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel, I'm sorry I'm late."

"Hi! It's no problem. Please, call me Dave. Do you want to go over to our table?"

In the course of the evening, Kurt learned a few things about Dave. He was nice enough and seemed smart and funny, but at the same time very insecure about his 'condition', as he called it. As the date went on, Dave drank more and more, and let slip that he was incredibly grateful for someone like Kurt even giving him a chance. Kurt thought that he probably had had some really bad experiences with reactions to his impotence, and pitied him a little. Still, he wasn't out to get just any impotent man, and it was soon clear that he and Dave didn't really have much in common, and whenever Dave couldn't talk about either football or his impotence, their conversation became stilted. Plus, the amount of alcohol Dave was consuming really made him uncomfortable. So, when the date came to an end, Kurt was determined to let Dave down gently, because it was clear to him that Dave was very much interested, but not at all what he was looking for.

They left the restaurant and walked a little away from the door. Then Dave said: "Kurt, I've had a very good time tonight." His speech was a little slurred.

_This is the moment, _Kurt thought. "Me too, Dave, but -"

"You don't want me, do you?" Dave cried. "You're gonna tell me that you changed your mind, that you don't want to be with a guy who can't get it up!"

"No, Dave! It's not that!" Kurt shouted, and thought _How do you tell somebody that it's not the fact that they're impotent, it's the fact that they're them? _But it was obvious that Dave was not listening. He stood there, breathing heavily, looking almost desperate and a touch insane. Suddenly, Kurt found himself pressed against the brick wall of the restaurant, Dave whispering harshly in his ear.

"I can be what you want", he said, and then pressed his lips against Kurt's in a hard, almost violent kiss. Kurt was not so much afraid as utterly dumbfounded, and it took a moment for him to determine on the best course of action. Then, he used all his strength to push Dave away from him and slapped him in the face. Dave looked as if he had been waked from a faint. He panted and whispered "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Then he ran away.


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Kurt arrived home, he was shaken. What at first hadn't scared him even a little, terrified him now that it was over, and his first impulse was to immediately shut down his dating profile or even abstain from dating for about the next fifty years. However, Kurt Hummel was nothing if not level-headed (notwithstanding minor lapses of judgment as for example the situation he now found himself in), so he was determined to at least think about it. Thankfully, Rachel was out, so he could sit at peace and try and sort his thoughts. When he had mostly gained back his equilibrium, he was able make out certain points about this disaster of an evening (Yes. He actually made a list).

- While that had not been the worst date he'd ever been on, he could not imagine a worse way to end one.

- He was sure that Dave Karofsky was no raging lunatic, as his shaken mind had at first accused him to be, nor, in fact, a bad person. From what he knew about Dave, he was deeply insecure about himself and especially his impotence, and Kurt was not so innocent himself when it came to lashing out against other people in order to cover up insecurities.

- Nevertheless, he would not go on another date with Dave. In fact, he'd be happy if he never had to see him again. But, maybe, in time, he would let Dave know that he understood and held no grudge (Didn't he? No, he didn't).

- He would probably try again, if he got another answer from an interesting guy.

- But first, he needed to do some research on impotence.

- But first, he needed to sleep.

So he did. And the next day and the day after, he was so busy with work and with comforting Rachel, who hadn't got a callback for her last audition, that he forgot all about doing research and didn't even check his email.

But then, when things had calmed down a little and he opened his laptop, he found that he had another answer to his ad from a guy called Adam, who looked cute in his picture and wrote that he was British, so there was the promise of an accent, and he really wanted to go out with him. He took some precautions, though. After asking Adam if he was okay with it, explaining only that he had had some bad experiences at a date, he moved the date to the afternoon, and at Rachel's insistence, to the cute little coffee shop where she worked as a barista, so that 'she could keep an eye on him'. Adam was game, and in addition to that they agreed, for the first date, to not talk about any impotence-related issues at all, but to try and just get to know each other.

Kurt was happy with this idea, because he thought that if Adam was able to not talk about it for a whole evening, then it probably wasn't on the forefront of his mind all the time like it had been with Dave, and then perhaps he didn't feel so insecure about it and wouldn't do something like Dave had and...Okay. He clearly was still a little bit anxious. And on the Friday afternoon set for the date, he decided he was probably more than just a little bit anxious, because he needed two hours instead of the obligatory one to decide on an outfit, nearly had a nervous breakdown because he couldn't find the right shoes, and on the way to the coffee shop, he had to stand and contemplate not going at all three times before he could convince himself that Rachel would kill him if he bailed.

When he entered the coffee shop, he found Adam already seated at a small table in the corner. He looked as cute as on the photo, with a beanie on his head and casual, but nice clothes.

There was something about Adam that instantly put Kurt at ease. Conversation came to them easily, and soon Kurt found himself laughing so much he hadn't in quite some time. They needed three lattes each just to cover their preferences in music, films, and literature, and Adam kept making him laugh with his impressions of Downton Abbey and Dr Who, but still Kurt felt that something was missing. There was no spark, no attraction pointing them in a romantic direction. Kurt didn't think about it much, though, as he really had a good time.

They each ordered a sandwich because the afternoon gradually grew into evening, and when they found that they had been sitting in that coffee shop for close to five hours, they decided to call it a day. Kurt didn't realize that there was still something to talk about until he saw that Adam looked like he was going to make a speech, but he had hardly time to grow anxious before the other man began to talk.

"Kurt", said Adam. "I have to be really honest. You're a great guy. I really like you, and I had a great time today. But I absolutely cannot see us going anywhere romantically."

Kurt had, at the beginning of the speech, anticipated to have to let Adam down, although he had been relatively sure that Adam would not have made a scene or done something like Dave. But now, he was certain that Adam could see the expression of relief spreading over his face.

"I'm so glad!" he said. "I feel exactly the same. I think I had friend-zoned you during the first ten minutes!"

Adam laughed. "So, friends?" he asked.

"Friends", confirmed Kurt, shaking Adam's hand. They exchanged phone numbers and parted with a hug.

Kurt went home. And though he slightly dreaded having to explain to Rachel, who had assured him of her approval of Adam with several exaggerated facial expressions and hand gestures before leaving the coffee shop when her shift ended, he was pretty happy with how the day had gone.

A friendship was not exactly what he had expected out of this, but second to finding the love of his life, it was the next best thing.


	4. Chapter 4

Blaine paced his room, repeatedly dragging his fingers through his hair and leaving the gelled curls in disarray. When his room became to small for his agitation, he began pacing the living room and called: "Wes! Weeesss!"

An exasperated Wes opened the door to his room and asked: "What?"

"Wes, what am I going to do?"

Wes sat down on the couch; he had a feeling that this was going to take some time. "This is about the boy again, isn't it?"

"He is not just a boy, Wes. He is...I don't know. He is everything."

Wes had heard the 'Ode to the Boy', as he called it, a lot of times. He added the inevitable, muttering under his breath: "And the hair, Wes! And his eyes! His eyes!"

"What am I going to do, Wes?"

"It's easy, isn't it? You know he has a profile on a dating website. You even know the name of the website!"

"So what?"

"So you visit the website, make a profile of your own and ask him out?"

"Isn't that...kind of creepy? Like I was stalking him?"

"It was 'creepy' to eavesdrop on his conversation with that boy in the coffee shop. Stalking him online should be right in your comfort zone."

"But what if he has already found someone? I mean, he was on a date with that boy..."

"Then I'm sure he'll have taken down his profile. Just go looking, Blaine! Do something and stop whining!" He went into his room and shut the door.

"I love you too!" Blaine called after him, then stood undecided for a moment and at last grabbed his laptop. He went to the website and spent quite some time looking for the boy, as he only knew his first name and what he looked like. When he finally found him, he was relieved to find his profile still up, and looked over it. When he arrived at the end of the page, he read the section titled 'preferences'. He nearly choked on his coffee.

...

Kurt and Adam texted a lot and met up twice during the next few weeks. Neither of them regretted deciding to just be friends, and although Rachel at first disapproved of Kurt's decision to 'let a cutie like that slip through his fingers', as she called it, she later had to admit that though he and Adam were good as friends, their near-constant bickering made her think they probably wouldn't be half as good as a couple. Kurt's ad stayed pretty dead during that time; so much so, in fact, that he nearly forgot about the whole thing and started thinking about closing down his profile and start dating again the old-fashioned way. Most of the time, however, he didn't think about it at all. He was quite content with how his life was going at the moment; he enjoyed work, some of his classes for next term sounded really interesting, and he spent a lot of time with his friends. He even went twice to the bar two blocks from his and Rachel's apartment where the gorgeous guy with the voice made of velvet sometimes performed on Thursday nights. He didn't really need a boyfriend to be happy. However, that didn't change the fact that he wanted one. Sometimes he found himself missing holding hands while going somewhere, or cuddling in front of the TV, or taking someone special to the bar where the gorgeous...(or perhaps better not. He really did a lot of swooning over that guy). So, when he finally got a notification about a new answer for his ad, he was actually quite excited.

When he opened his profile and saw the picture of the guy who had answered him, he spent about three minutes just staring. The boy was about his age, had dark hair with a lot of gel in it (it suited him, though. He looked like a fifties' movie star), and beautiful, hazel-colored eyes. He was very handsome, but that wasn't what made Kurt stare at the picture as though it would disappear if he didn't.

It was him. That gorgeous guy with the voice made of velvet who sometimes performed...well, you know. Kurt was absolutely sure it was him, and he was absolutely elated and at the same time incredibly insecure because he couldn't imagine why a boy like that would want to go out with him, or why he would use a dating website at all (But then again, Kurt had noticed that the audience at the bar consisted mostly of girls when he played, so maybe it was that). He was also grateful for the technology that allowed him to see a picture of the guys who wanted to go out with him, because if he had gone on an actual _blind _date, he would probably have spent the first ten minutes of the date staring silently and star-struck, or worse, done something embarassingly fangirl-y like asking for his autograph.

This way, he would have at least a few days to get used to the thought that he would be going out with – Blaine Anderson was his name, he saw. Because he would be going out with him, and if it was the last thing he did.

When Rachel came home a few hours later, he stopped her at the door.

"Keep your shoes on. We're going shopping. I need an absolutely awesome new outfit for a date."

On the way to the mall, he explained to her whom he was going out with, and he could hear that he was babbling because he was so excited. He managed to find a fabulous outfit consisting of tight, dark gray pants, a black shirt and a vest in a lighter gray, and the whole time while he was looking, trying on, and paying, he couldn't stop talking about Blaine. When they had finished shopping and were sitting down for coffee, Rachel remarked: "It's been a while since you had a crush like that. Normally, you'd be all like 'Is he gay? He can't be gay. Or can he?'"

"Stop it, Rachel, I don't sound like that! And that's the beauty of online dating. I know for sure that he's gay."

"You also know for sure that he's impotent."

"Yeah, that too." For once, Kurt didn't like to be reminded of that, because as much as he was ashamed of the thought, but damn, that _really _was a waste.


	5. Chapter 5

Due to conflicting schedules, Kurt and Blaine didn't manage to set up a date until about one and a half weeks later. They im'ed some, though, and Kurt thought that in addition to his other redeeming qualities (voice? Looks?), Blaine seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. They didn't share much personal information, as they had agreed to save that for the date, but Kurt managed to confirm that Blaine really was the performer he knew from the bar, and then couldn't refrain from gushing some about his voice, which Blaine wrote made him blush.

When the day of the date arrived, Kurt was oddly calm. Although he couldn't say he felt as if he knew Blaine already, he felt that he had already done some pretty embarrassing things (namely, the gushing), so he could simply look forward to a nice evening with a nice guy and not worry about things getting awkward. Of course, it didn't work out that way. As the day went on, Kurt found his nerves were starting to frazzle, and as he couldn't really concentrate on work anymore, he left early, only to find himself at home with several hours to kill and nothing to do. So he did a little stress-cleaning and then rearranged Rachel's bathroom shelf so that the more offending colors of her nail polish were hidden behind the nicer ones (he was aware that it was stupid, as she would simply dig them out again if she wanted, but really, this was an emergency), and when he figured it was time, he took a really long shower. Rachel would be mad because he used up all the hot water, but everyone had to make sacrifices, didn't they? He didn't know how many times he had been woken up at ridiculous o'clock in the morning because she didn't watch the time when she was doing vocal warm-ups, and he was still trying to forget the noises he had heard from her bedroom that one time.

He dressed himself in the clothes he had bought for the date and styled his hair, and then found that he had actually killed enough time to be able to leave the house if he walked really slowly.

Of course, he arrived too early. He sat down at a table and ordered something to drink, wishing he had brought a book or something to look busy and stave off the (faint, but still noticeable) fear of being stood up. But he didn't have to be nervous for long. With still a quarter of an hour to spare, Blaine arrived, looking embarrassed and relieved at the same time when he saw Kurt. They got over the initial awkwardness by laughing about the fact that they were both early, and made some amiable small talk (with Blaine complimenting Kurt a lot) until their food arrived. Then, Blaine took a bite of his pasta, swallowed and asked:

"So, Kurt, I can't help but be curious: why are you looking for an impotent man?"

Kurt was surprised, not about the question itself, but the fact that it was asked so early into their first date. "Um...Wow. That is not a question I expected to be asked at a first date."

Blaine looked contrite and wanted to apologize, but Kurt interrupted.

"No, it's okay. I guess it is rather...unusual? But to explain, I'll have to talk about things I wouldn't, usually, talk about on a first date. You okay with that?"

"Of course. But, Kurt, you don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to. I'd really like to know at some point, but you're right, it is a rather personal question."

"No, I might as well tell you now. Um...I think when we im'ed I told you that my last relationship ended about two months ago? It wasn't a great relationship, mainly because we had very different points of view when it came to sex. Me, I like sex, it's nice, but it really isn't that important to me. To my ex, it was way more important, it was like the only thing he could think of doing when we were together was having sex, and we broke up because he couldn't keep it in his pants long enough to wait for our next date. And it wasn't only that relationship. I feel like, ever since I started being sexually active, I've been defending myself why I didn't want to. And it was getting really tiring."

He took a bite of his salad, contemplating how to proceed.

"Apparently it is really difficult for me to find someone who, like me, wants to establish a...connection, emotionally and intellectually, alongside with a sexual one. So, I thought, what if I took the sexual side out of the equation? Wouldn't it be easier to concentrate on the other things that are important? So I made the ad, and you know the rest."

Blaine looked like he didn't know what to say. He looked serious, understanding, but at the same time like he was trying not to laugh. Finally, he smiled.

"I promise I'm not laughing at you. But you haven't really thought this through, have you? I mean, I can totally relate to the rest, I understand that you don't want to feel pressured all the time, and that you want other things to be important, too, but...you do know that men with an ED can experience sexual pleasure and even orgasm, right?"

Kurt was embarrassed. "I guess this is the point where I admit that I didn't really do any research? I know that ED means erectile dysfunction, but apart from that, not so much."

Blaine rubbed his neck. "Okay. So, impotent men can have fun having sex. But you probably thought that they...that we can't have sex, right?" At Kurt's embarrassed nod, Blaine continued. "That might be true, to some extent, for straight men. But Kurt, we're gay. We are not so ...limited in our activities?"

Kurt had the feeling his jaw was about to hit the floor. Quickly, he shut his mouth, only to open it again when he realized what he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of before. "You...Oh my god. I can't believe I didn't think of this. You mean you...?"

"Yes, Kurt." Blaine was laughing openly now, and Kurt couldn't help but tentatively join in, although he was still so, so very embarrassed. Blaine leaned over the table mock-conspiratorially and whispered: "I bottom."


	6. Chapter 6

To tell the truth, Kurt was a little scandalized. He was not the boy anymore who put his fingers in his ears and sang 'lalalalala' when his dad tried to give him 'the Talk', but he was not exactly accustomed to discuss sexual preferences or positions in a restaurant. Or at all, for that matter.

But he found that he didn't care that much, because his mind was occupied with a lot of other things. For one thing, he was still _so_ embarrassed, and Blaine was still laughing, and it kind of felt like he was making fun of him, but in a totally nice way, so Kurt was laughing, too. Gradually, his embarrassment decreased. He still felt like he had messed up, like that was something he _should _have known, something he _ should _have researched, but it was okay; they could laugh about it

Kurt wiped his eyes. "Well, there goes my brilliant plan. So...impotence isn't so bad? For gay men? Sorry, that's a dumb question again. But, you sound so okay about it."

"I am okay about it, most of the time. It is still...it can lead to awkward situations and of course there are limitations to your sex life. So, you know, you're not entirely wrong. I, for one, definitely don't place a lot of emphasis on sex. Um...masturbation can be very difficult, so you kind of learn to channel your energy elsewhere." Blaine laughed. "But, you know, it has its perks."

"How so?"

"Well...no erections at inappropriate times and places?" Blaine's voice abruptly – and rather uncharacteristically, Kurt thought - went low and seductive. "And ..um..getting to go out with a gorgeous guy like you..."

Kurt had come a long way since the somewhat uptight boy he had been in high school, but he still wasn't used to being flirted with, and together with all the talking about sex, the compliment made him slightly uncomfortable. He blushed and looked away.

Blaine seemed to capture the change in atmosphere and copied Kurt's expression, suddenly looking bashful and much more like himself again. "I – I'm sorry. I just realized that I am really nervous about this, about...us? I mean, I was nervous the whole time, but I guess I kind of forgot about it until just now...Anyway, when I'm nervous, I tend to...lay it on a bit thick. My friends call it my 'performance mode'."

Kurt was relieved that he apparently hadn't misjudged Blaine's character after all, but he was still a little surprised. "I saw you perform. You seemed much more ...held back then."

Blaine laughed. "That's because I'm all grown up now. You should have seen me in high school. In Glee club, I used to be all over the place, I jumped on furniture and everything. Once I serenaded a guy with Robin Thicke - at his workplace!"

"You were in Glee club?"

Of course, they got to talking then. They talked about Glee club, competitions, growing up in Ohio, being gay in Ohio (which hadn't been a particularly good experience for either of them). They talked about books, movies, music, politics, even sports (Kurt disclosed his brief stints in the football and the cheer leading team). They laughed a lot, sometimes they nearly cried a little (they hadn't yet reached the stage of heartfelt confessions – it was, after all, only their first date, even if it sometimes felt like they'd known each other for a long time – but they came close a few times). They sat in that restaurant for hours, and when they felt the waiting staff glaring at them for sitting and talking without ordering something, they paid, left and went for a walk. After an hour of walking, they got ice cream and sat down on a park bench, and talked some more. Only when it became too dark and cold to stay outside any longer, they decided to part, immediately making plans for a second date the next week. They hugged and said goodbye. They did not kiss. although neither of them could have said why not. But they wanted to.

…...

When Kurt came home, he had a look in his eyes that Rachel did not recognize.

"Kurt, what's the matter? Are you...high on something?"

Kurt leaned against the wall, a blissed-out expression on his face. "Rachel – I think I'm in love."

Rachel laughed. "Good first date, then, I take it?"

"The best. Although...in the beginning...I was so embarrassed, Rachel, I can't believe it! I made such a fool of myself!"

He recounted the evening to Rachel and then started at least a basic Wikipedia research on impotence, from which he learned nothing interesting that Blaine hadn't already told him, but which made him feel a little better about himself. Then he went to bed, indulging in all the cliches about being newly in love, like sighing at the ceiling and vowing to dream of Blaine. When he went to sleep, though, one thought was dominant on his mind: _How do I do this?_

…_..._

_I can do this, _Blaine thought on the way home. Kurt really didn't know anything, and his own research had been pretty thorough, thanks to Wes (who did by no means support his plans, but felt obliged, and was bribed to, help him nonetheless). For the moment at least, it could work, and Blaine had decided to cross each bridge when he came to it, and not plan too far ahead. That was new for him; his imagination used to jump from first date, to love, to marriage within minutes. He had learned the error of his ways when his last boyfriend had broken up with him when Blaine proposed marriage after a relationship of six months.

But he really liked Kurt. He really, _really _liked Kurt. _I just have to get him to like me, _he thought. _Then I can stop all this, and tell him the truth._ That was not so easy, though; although he had had the impression that Kurt liked him, too, but then he had spent such a big part of the evening being embarrassed (and Blaine kind of regretted to have let that happen, and furthermore probably shouldn't have told him quite so much, but it could not be helped now). Blaine just had to make absolutely sure Kurt would give him a chance and not dump his ass the moment he knew the truth.

They would build a foundation first, and when they had achieved that, he would tell him the truth; and it wasn't such a big lie, after all. _I can do this._


	7. Chapter 7

Their second date was kind of wonderful. When they met, it was only late afternoon and the weather was perfect, so they decided to skip their plans of movie and dinner and just grabbed coffee and some pastries and sat in the park. There were quite a few people there, so Kurt and Blaine spent a good two hours people-watching, commenting on clothing and making up stories and relationships for them. Blaine's comments were imaginative and funny, but Kurt also noticed that he was always nice about everything; he would make fun of someone's outfit but never be actually mean. Kurt was inspired to tone his own tendency towards bitchiness down a little bit, and he thought that he might be growing to like Blaine a little more with everything he got to know about him.

When it started to get darker and they got hungry, they retreated into a small Italian restaurant around the corner, and ate and talked some more. There were silences, too, but they were comfortable, and usually, after a short time, one of them remembered a story he had yet to share, and they laughed about it, or talked about it, and it was another great evening. Blaine insisted on paying their bill, and they parted with plans to spend the weekend together and a kiss on the cheek.

...

Kurt had a problem. He was not really insecure about his relationship status with Blaine – they had met over a dating website, for heaven's sake! - because while they hadn't officially labeled themselves as boyfriends yet, there had been some slips of tongue that pointed in that direction. Both of them had, at different times, said something like, "And when you meet my parents..." or "My friends can't believe I'm in a relationship again!", and though they had been a little shy afterwards, none of them had said anything to discourage the other. So that was good.

But.

After five –_ five!_ - dates, they were still only talking, and they were still saying goodnight with a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Nothing else. And Kurt found himself impatient for more. Not sex, not yet at least, and not for a long time – but something. Something more then this half-assed, we-clearly-like-each-other-but-are-not-doing-anyth ing thing they had going on. And it felt very strange to be, for once, the one who wanted to – not pressure, never that, but strongly encourage the other one to go further. And he had no idea how to do that. Although Blaine had, at their first-ever talk, clearly stated that at least the possibility of sex existed, Kurt felt incredibly insecure about initiating anything. After all, he had been the one who had wanted something more than just the physical side of a relationship, so he could hardly complain now, could he?

…...

Recently, Blaine had had some difficulties listening to Kurt talk. Not that he wasn't interested; Kurt was an animated talker and had the skill to make even stories about people Blaine had never seen in his life interesting to him. But more often than not, Blaine found himself concentrating on the movement of Kurt's lips instead of on the words they formed. And until now, he had been so good at not running away with himself! Although the voice that told him he was already in love with Kurt was getting louder slowly but surely, he had for once managed to not act as if they were as good as engaged. Except for some minor slips of the tongue (saying 'Then this can be my Christmas present for you' in September wasn't that bad, was it?), he hadn't even confirmed their as yet non-official relationship to anyone, not even Kurt. But now? He wanted more. He wanted the label of 'boyfriends', hell, as tacky as it was, he wanted to be 'facebook official', and more then anything he wanted to kiss Kurt.

Still, he didn't want to pressure Kurt. His...Boyfriend? Boyfriend. - had started the whole thing because he didn't want to be pressured into physical intimacy, and Blaine didn't want to be the one to do that to him again. So, he would wait until Kurt decided it was the right time. Plus, he was probably safer now, wasn't he? Once they got physical, it would be so much easier to slip, to make a mistake, and then he wouldn't even get the chance to explain. No, he wouldn't initiate anything.

But he wanted to. Screw safety! He was sure he could trust himself not to get carried away too much. He would never pressure Kurt But maybe he could...encourage?

…..

When Kurt entered Blaine's apartment on the night of their sixth date, he didn't believe his eyes. Blaine's and Wes's normally slightly cluttered living room was spotless, at least it appeared that way in the gentle light of at least a dozen candles. The table was set with real china, wine glasses and cloth napkins, and no take out boxes were to be seen, so the delicious smell had to mean that Blaine was actually cooking. Kurt was impressed.

"Wow", he said, kissing Blaine on the cheek as usual. "Did I miss something? Is there a reason for all this?"

"No reason", Blaine answered as he handed Kurt a glass of wine. "Only...it's our sixth date today, and that means we know each other for – one month and three and a half days! That's worth some kind of celebration, isn't it?"

"It certainly is", Kurt said, clinking glasses with Blaine and smiling.

After dinner (that was actually really good), they sat down on the couch to watch a movie. They were not snuggled into each other, but still sitting quite closely. Kurt could sense something was up.

_I wonder if he's going to pretend to yawn and put his arm around me?_ It would not be the first time (except for the 'pretending to yawn' part); they were constantly holding hands or walking with their arms around each other, but somehow, it was different today. The atmosphere was incredibly romantic, and Kurt felt that something had to happen today, or it never would. And when he turned his head a little and found Blaine looking at him with shining eyes and slightly parted lips, he decided to follow his instincts. He closed his eyes.

It wasn't shy or cautious. Somehow, they both forgot their inhibitions and dived into the kiss. They went all in, using lips, tongue and teeth to explore their mouths, and when they had to come up for air after a time that seemed both endless and much too short, they were startled to find themselves lying down on the couch, with Kurt half on top of Blaine. They sat up a bit, catching their breath, smiling, and Blaine took Kurt's hands in his.

"Okay, this is going to be a bit cheesy, but I'm a man who likes when everything's in order. So, Kurt, will you be officially my boyfriend?"

Kurt smiled and kissed him again.


	8. Chapter 8

It was like a dam had broken. Once they had started kissing, they hardly ever stopped. Well,of course they still had to eat, and talk, and there were those hours of the day and sometimes (often, really, as they were both busy) even those days of the week they didn't spend in each other's company, but they kissed as much as possible. They were always touching, too; they held hands while walking, cuddled while watching a movie (though that most of the time resulted in making out while not watching the movie), and both Wes and Rachel started complaining that they almost couldn't remember the face of their respective roommates anymore because there was always another face glued to it. Kurt and Blaine could tell, though, that their friends were genuinely happy for them, so they didn't worry too much.

They didn't stop at kissing, either. Considering how long it took them to start, they were surprisingly fast venturing further into physicality, and it came to them almost effortlessly. Kurt was freaking out for a minute when he realized that his hand had accidentally wandered under Blaine's shirt, but before he could apologize, Blaine simply took his shirt off, and that was that. From then on, shirtless making out became a regularity. And once they had been walked in on a few times, they naturally and without over thinking moved to the bedroom whenever things became heated.

And it felt _so good. _Kurt had never had the impression that Matt, or any of his former boyfriends (not that there were many) had been unskilled as a lover, but he had also never felt something like this before. And they were only making out. How would it feel like when they...no, he wouldn't think about that. While kissing and touching Blaine had become quite natural for him, the thought of actually sleeping with Blaine was still strange. Up until now, their pants stayed on, their hands above the waist and their hips far away from each other, and Kurt had no intention of changing that anytime soon. For now, he was content. And he still felt weird about the thought of initiating anything sexual with Blaine. Although he knew now that sex was possible, it still felt like wanting something Blaine couldn't give, and the thought of being the only top instead of switching like he was used to was...scary. Like he would be invading. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't help it.

"Why don't you stay over?" Kurt asked between kisses. "I mean...to sleep. Not to...you know. Do anything else."

"And I thought I'd at least get dinner." Blaine grinned and dodged the pillow Kurt threw at him

"But I can't, I'm sorry. I've got this thing really early tomorrow, and it's much nearer from my apartment."

"You always say that." Kurt pouted, and it was true. Blaine hadn't stayed over yet, nor had he let Kurt stay the night at his place. He always had some 'thing'.

"I'm sorry. Don't be mad", Blaine said, and Kurt just couldn't resist the puppy eyes.

"Can you at least stay a little while longer? I'd like to kiss you some more."

"That I can do."

Things got heated fast, and Blaine didn't seem to mind the late hour as their shirts fell to the floor and their mouths and hands were busy with each other. Kurt loved the little sounds Blaine made, the way he moaned into his mouth when Kurt's thumb grazed a nipple, or the way he gasped when Kurt kissed and nibbled at his neck. Blaine seemed to forget their boundaries, too, his hands wandering to Kurt's ass and pressing him against his thigh. Kurt didn't mind at all, although he still took care not to grind against Blaine more than a little, as much as his awakening cock would have loved the friction.

Suddenly, though, Blaine stopped kissing him, and when Kurt opened his eyes to see why, Blaine pushed him away, jumped out of bed and ran in the direction of the bathroom with his hand pressed against his mouth.

Kurt needed about thirty seconds to come out of his lust-filled haze, spend another thirty seconds silently freaking out and then went to look after his boyfriend.

"Blaine?" He knocked on the bathroom door, which was locked, and asked again. "Blaine? Are you okay?" All he could hear in response was a faint retching noise. _I'll take that as a 'no', _he thought. Was it dinner? But he didn't feel sick himself, and they had eaten together. Or, much, much worse, was it him? Was it kissing him? _That's ridiculous, _he told himself. If kissing Kurt made Blaine sick, he certainly would have stopped doing it much earlier. _Get yourself together._

"Blaine? There's a new toothbrush in the cabinet, if you need it."

This time, he got a tortured-sounding 'thanks', and left Blaine to his business.

A few minutes later, Blaine came out of the bathroom, looking fine but very embarrassed.

"I'm sorry for ending our make-out session in such an unsexy way", he said, sheepishly rubbing at his neck.

"Well, as you're sick, I won't hold it against you. I'm sure you didn't do it on purpose." As Blaine didn't look any less embarrassed at that, Kurt added, "Really, Blaine, it's fine. But won't you _please _stay here and let me take care of you?"

"I've got a nearly ready doctor at home. He'll take care of me."

"Wes just finished pre-med. He is not a nearly ready doctor."

"He will be. He starts his internship tomorrow, did I tell you? I'm so looking forward to grisly medical stories during dinner." Blaine smiled, but as Kurt was in no way convinced, he added, "Thanks Kurt, but I'm sure I'll be fine. It's probably just a stomach bug, and it'll help nobody if I keep you awake all night. And ...I kind of want my own bed."

Kurt sighed, but couldn't really say anything against that.

Blaine asked: "Can I kiss you goodbye? I brushed my teeth, and I'm sure any germs I have had more that enough time to go over to you earlier. Um...sorry for that, by the way." He looked embarrassed again.

Kurt smiled and shrugged. "You didn't know. And if I get sick, I'll make you come here and make me soup. Now kiss me and then get yourself to bed"

They kissed goodbye, and Blaine closed the door behind himself. Kurt leaned against it and sighed. He was sorry Blaine was sick, but he really wished he would have stayed. He sighed again. _This is getting frustrating._

**A/N: I'm sorry for the late update. I hadn't finished writing before I went to Paris. On that note, we're moving, and I'll probably be without internet for some time. So the next update might take a while. Sorry in advance.**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm so sorry for the long delay! I really had no Internet for most of the time, but I'm back now. Updates should come regularly again. Thanks for sticking with me!**

"Sorry, I forgot to text you," Kurt said as he heard Rachel's keys. He was sitting on the couch, not really watching TV, but switching restlessly through channels. "You could have come home earlier."

"What happened?" she asked. "I thought you wanted to ask Blaine to stay over?"

"He couldn't," Kurt answered sullenly. "Or wouldn't. I don't know. He was here, and we were making out, and then he had to go and be sick."

"Ew", Rachel said. "Not a nice end to the evening. And then? He just went home?"

Kurt nodded. "I wanted him to stay here and let me take care of him, but he didn't want to. Said he didn't want to keep me awake, and that Wes would take care of him."

Kurt's mood had deteriorated quickly after Blaine had left, and now, as he told Rachel what had happened, he suddenly felt close to tears. All the little ways Blaine frustrated him, the fact that he didn't want him around when he felt bad, that he would never stay over, and that no matter what, Kurt felt there was something between them...all the little things he had refused to let come between them, mixed with his own insecurities, now seemed to be crashing down on him.

"I don't blame him for being sick, Rachel, of course I don't, but...why doesn't he want me near him? Why would he prefer Wes?"

Rachel sat down beside him and put her arm around his shoulders.

"Maybe..." she said slowly."Kurt, have you thought that maybe he is just embarrassed?"

"Why would he be embarrassed?"

"Well, you haven't been together that long, and being ill...especially when one has to throw up...it doesn't make a person very attractive, does it? Maybe he just doesn't want you to see him like this. I think no boyfriend of mine has ever seen me sick, and I wouldn't want anybody to, at least not until we're married a few years."

Kurt had to laugh. "Rachel, I've seen you sick a hundred times. I've held your hair when you were throwing up!"

"But you're not my boyfriend! That's all the difference. You're my best friend, we've known each other forever, and we're roommates, so we can't exactly avoid seeing each other even when we are...less than perfect. But it's different with a boyfriend, or any kind of romantic relationship."

Kurt knew she was right. He still took forever to decide what to wear to a date with Blaine because he wanted to look his absolute best, so he couldn't really blame his boyfriend for not wanting to be seen barfing into a toilet.

"And Wes?" he asked. "Is he Blaine's Rachel?"

Rachel smiled. "Probably. Though he's not as pretty."

"Of course not", Kurt replied and smiled back. He felt much better now. In spite of all her drama, Rachel could be very wise sometimes, and she had made him see that Blaine, with all of his sometimes over-confident exterior, had his own insecurities.

Their other issues, all the little things that had seemed to all but suffocate him only a little while ago, he pushed firmly aside.

…...

When Blaine came home, he shut the door and rested his forehead against it. He felt sick – but not in the way he had made Kurt believe.

"I'm so screwed", he whispered, and felt tears rise to his eyes. And that felt like just the thing right now, so he let himself fall face-down on the couch to indulge in crying for a little while.

It was the first time he really felt that he wouldn't be able to follow through with his plan, and he didn't know what to do. He was still too insecure to just tell Kurt the truth, but he felt that at this point, he might soon have no choice, and he was so, _so _afraid that his boyfriend would just dump him. But on the other hand, he could feel things were starting to get tense, and that there were things in their relationship Kurt was not happy with. So Kurt might break up with him for some other reason if things did not change soon. Either way, if he wasn't careful, he might lose Kurt – and that could not happen. He would not allow that to happen. But what was he to do?

When he heard Wes's keys, he contemplated for a moment to wipe his eyes and act okay to spare himself the 'I told you so' Wes would certainly bring up sooner or later, but before he could come to a decision, it was too late. Wes saw his red-rimmed eyes and fell down on the couch beside him, shoving Blaine's feet out of the way to avoid sitting on them.

"What happened?" he asked.

Blaine sat up slowly. "I screwed up", he answered, and at first he wanted to leave it at that because Wes had to be tired from his first day at the hospital, but changed his mind. Wes was a sensible man and often gave good advice and equally good hugs, and Blaine could really use both right now.

"We were making out, and then ….it was so...I forgot, Wes. Just for a moment, but it was almost..."

He had started crying again, and between that and being embarrassed, he was hardly able to talk. It was a good thing Wes knew him so well and was privy to almost everything that had happened between Blaine and Kurt in the last weeks, so he was able to understand at least the quintessence of what Blaine was trying to say.

"What did you do?" he asked.

Blaine laughed bitterly. "I ran into the bathroom and pretended to be sick. And he – he was so wonderful about it and wanted to take care of me and I want to stay with him so bad but I can't - "

Wes stroked calmingly across Blaine's back. "I know, B, I know. Now, I won't say 'I told you so', but don't you think it is time to tell Kurt the truth? You really seem to like him, and as far as I can see he likes you too, but you can't stay with him if you have to keep up this charade. There's not much else you can do anymore, as long as you don't want to, you know, eat some blue M&Ms..."

Blaine had to laugh, but then sighed and leaned his head against Wes' shoulder.

"I know I have to tell him," he said as he finally got the much-needed hug. I just have to figure out how and when."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N If you haven't figured out what's going on with Blaine, don't read the comments (they are lovely, by the way, thank you so much!). But, I guess, at least after this chapter all should be clear.**

**We're close to the endnow, too. I'm thinking one or two more chapters.**

The next evening, Blaine hated himself and the world. However, that wasn't because he was still feeling guilty or because he was still stuck in a situation he knew no safe way out of, but more due to the fact that he was currently kneeling in front of the toilet and barfing his heart out.

"Are you okay?" Wes called from the living room.

"Do I sound okay?"

"That is your punishment for yesterday's sins!"Wes called, sounding slightly smug.

"I hate you," Blaine murmured. He really must have caught a stomach bug or something, right after he had told Kurt he was sick. He might have laughed at the irony of it if he had not felt so miserable.

"Come out when you're ready," he heard his roommate. "I have something for you against the nausea, but then I have to get ready. I'm with the night shift today."

"Go away!" Blaine called with what felt like the last of his strength.

"I will. But you'll want to take the meds, believe me. You'll feel much better."

When Blaine left the bathroom on wobbly knees, he found a glass of water and two pills on the kitchen counter. Wes called something from behind the closed door of his bedroom, but Blaine didn't understand and didn't care enough to ask. He just wanted the horrible feeling in his stomach to go away, so he swallowed the two pills with one gulp and lay down on the couch, hoping for the nausea to pass.

...

When Wes emerged from his room in his scrubs, he found his best friend face down on the couch, fast asleep. _Crap, _he thought as he saw that both pills were gone, and figured that Blaine clearly hadn't heeded his warning that the second pill was to be taken only in case the nausea returned sometime during the night. He shook his roommate and tried to wake him, but to no avail. _Blaine, you idiot, _he thought, and wondered what to do now. Blaine wasn't in any danger because of this, but he would be pretty out of it for quite some time and would probably be dizzy if he woke during the night. He really shouldn't be left alone, but Wes had to go; he couldn't _not_ go to work on the second day of his internship. He had no choice. _And maybe, something good will come out of this, _he thought as he looked for a number in Blaine's phone.

"Kurt? Hi, this is Wes."

"Hi Wes, why're you calling? Is something wrong?"

"Well, Blaine's sick."

"Still?"

"...Right. Yes, he's still sick. And...well, I've wanted to give him something against the nausea, but he took too many pills, and now he's..."

"Is he okay?"

"Yes, he's fine, he's just sleeping. It's just...he will probably wake up some time during the night, and he'll be disoriented and dizzy, and he shouldn't be alone, but I really have to go to work..."

"Should I come over?"

"Could you? I know it's late and you're probably busy, but you'd be doing me a huge favor, and Blaine too."

"No, it's fine, I'll just pack a bag. I'll be there in half an hour."

Wes hung up and sighed. He felt slightly guilty, because he didn't know what would come out of this, but he really had no choice. Blaine shouldn't be alone right now, and as he couldn't stay with him, someone else had to, and Kurt was the logical (and only available) choice. But Blaine probably wouldn't be able to keep his secret under these circumstances. _Although, as sick as he is, maybe he has a chance. Oh well, nothing I can do now, _Wes thought, put Blaine's phone back on the table and settled down to wait for Kurt

...

Kurt really felt sorry for his boyfriend, who was still so sick that he had to take meds, but at the same time, he couldn't help but be a little elated that he finally got his chance to take care of Blaine. Quickly, he packed an overnight bag and took a cab to Blaine's and Wes's apartment. He was greeted by Wes, who was already in his scrubs and clearly anxious to be going.

"Oh wow, he is really out of it", Kurt remarked when he saw that Blaine clearly hadn't even woken a little when the doorbell rang, and was lying in a rather uncomfortable-looking position face down on the couch.

Wes nodded. "He will be for some time, but he probably won't be throwing up anymore, so that should be alright. Just...watch him, okay? I have to get going, I will be late as it is. Thanks, Kurt."

"No problem. I'll look after him", Kurt promised, but Wes was already out the door, shooting Kurt a tight smile before closing it and heading down the stairs.

Kurt stood a while, wondering what to do now, seeing as Blaine would clearly not be waking up anytime soon, and then went over to Blaine's and Wes's extensive DVD collection to choose a movie to watch, and then sat down on the small part of the sofa that wasn't already occupied by Blaine.

Halfway through the second movie, 'It's a wonderful life' (Kurt loved that movie, and it _was_ already the end of November), Blaine woke up...kind of. He very slowly opened first one eye and then the other, but didn't seem to actually see anything. Kurt paused the movie when he noticed movement and waited for something to happen that would require him to take action, but it took another good ten minutes until Blaine said something.

"Kurt? Wha' are you doing here?"He slurred a little, and still sounded half asleep.

"You took too many pills, and Wes asked me to watch you cause he had to go to work."

"So you're my babysitter? That's funny."Blaine giggled, but then frowned. "I don't need a babysitter." He started standing up, but started swaying, and Kurt had to help him sit down quickly before he fell.

"Okay there", Kurt said, still steadying Blaine, "I think you should take a bath. And then go back to sleep. Or do you want to eat something?

Blaine made a face. "Food is bad."

"Alright, "Kurt said, trying to sound as if he knew what he was doing. "Then...just stay here, and I'll run you a bath."

"M'kay". Blaine answered, already settling back into the cushions and closing his eyes, and Kurt knew that he had to be quick, or Blaine would be asleep again before the bath was ready. So he tried to be efficient instead of embarrassed when he undressed Blaine, and tried (and failed) not to look when he exposed the part of his boyfriend he had not yet seen without clothes. He only allowed himself to look long enough to notice that Blaine's cock was as beautiful as the rest of him (although he found it weird to apply that word to a cock, but it was), and that he couldn't see any difference that would account for Blaine's impotence, but then he hadn't really expected to.

He helped Blaine into the bath and washed his hair, then helped him out again, helped him dry himself and dressed him in a pair of clean boxers before settling into bed with him, kind of exhausted, but happy to at last be able to sleep beside his boyfriend, and even more so when Blaine snuggled closer into his arms and said sleepily,"Kurt? 'M glad you're here."

…...

When Kurt woke, he felt incredibly comfortable. They must have shifted sometime during the night, as Kurt was practically surrounded by Blaine, his back against Blaine's chest. He sighed happily and shifted even closer, and felt...something...against his ass. Surely, that couldn't be...?

"Blaine?"

"Mmh?"

"I'm pretty sure you have an erection."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm pretty sure you have an erection."

As Kurt's words slowly edged their way into Blaine's sleep-hazed mind, he began to understand that everything was about to fall apart.

_Fuck. "_Um...a miracle has happened?" he said after a few seconds of tense silence, trying, and failing miserably, at humor.

Kurt didn't laugh, either. "You...I can't believe it", he said, slowly got out of bed and started to put on his clothes.

Blaine was fully awake now. "Kurt...please let me explain."

Kurt shook his head rapidly. "No. No. I have to go. I'll call you." He finished tying his shoes and was out of the door before Blaine could think of another thing to say.

...

Kurt was...out of his mind. He couldn't believe that Blaine would lie to him like that, from the very beginning – but his complete lack of surprise and the bad joke had kind of given him away. Kurt just didn't know what to think. Why would someone pretend to be impotent? Why would Blaine? He couldn't wrap his head around it. Kurt wasn't even mad, not so much, he was much too busy being confused.

He had walked home to clear his head, but it hadn't really worked, and it really didn't help that he had come home to two messages on his voicemail, one 'I'm sorry, please let me explain" - message from Blaine that he deleted immediately, and another one from his dad asking about his christmas plans. With everything going on, he hadn't even thought about christmas, at least not really, and the message was not only along the lines of 'Are you gonna come home?', but more like 'Are you coming? Are we finally gonna meet that boyfriend of yours?', and that's what made it so difficult. It was bad enough that he had to think about his and Blaine's relationship status at all, but to have to do so under a deadline?

Kurt groaned and fell down on the couch. He needed to talk about everything to someone, but whom?

His dad? He would listen, but he had never even met Blaine, and he could be a little...overprotective. It wouldn't be fair. Kurt was kind of surprised by himself, but he wanted reasonable advice and not someone tearing Blaine apart. That ruled out Rachel, as well. She would probably first condemn Blaine for lying and then advice him to channel his feelings into song.

No, he wanted to talk someone who would be a little more impartial. That basically left one person.

...

Kurt and Adam had stayed friends, although they didn't talk so often since Kurt started dating Blaine. Adam had even met Blaine twice, briefly, but he was Kurt's friend first. Still, they didn't know each other so well that he would be on Kurt's side no matter what. He was the perfect person to talk to.  
They managed to set up a coffee date on the same day, and since Kurt had stated first that he had something he wanted to talk about, they wasted no time with small talk.

Kurt finished his story, leaned back in his chair and sighed, suddenly tired. Adam, who had been listening intently, frowned and asked:

"So...you think he has been _faking _his impotence?"

"I have no other explanation."

"Wow. I feel like I should be offended on behalf of all men with an ED. But did you talk to him? Did he explain why?"

Kurt blushed. "I ...kind of didn't really give him a chance. I practically jumped out of bed and left."

Adam nodded. "Thought so. So that's one thing you should do before jumping to any conclusions. Talk to him. Hear what he has to say about this. Then judge him."

Kurt had to smile. "But what do you think of this?"

"Well. I have two...no, three possible explanations. Do you wanna hear? Okay, the first is that he's asexul or something like that and wants to hide it, so he goes with impotent. But as he pretty much declared his willingness for sexual contact the first time you two met, I'd say that is pretty improbable. Agreed?"

Kurt nodded. "What's the second?"

"He somehow found out about you. That you were looking for an impotent man. And he wanted to go out with you, so he faked it. And then it got somehow out of hand and he missed the opportunity to come clean."

Kurt was baffled. He hadn't thought of that. It was flattering and kind of logical, in a weird way.

"You know, I think I like that explanation. But I'm curious. What's the third?"

"He's just batshit crazy."

They laughed. "Yes, that could be too."

Kurt felt much more relaxed now he had talked about it, and Adam really had mamged to come up with an explanation that made sense and somehow...was not too bad? Kurt still wasn't happy that Blaine had lied to him, but he thought that if he really had pretended to be impotent to be able to date Kurt, he might be able to forgive him. Of course, he'd still have to talk to him first, and Kurt was not very eager to do that at the moment, so he just got himself and Adam a new coffee and leaned back, happy to catch up with his friend.

After a time of chatting about classes and work, Adam sipped at his latte. He suddenly looked a little nervous.

"You know, Kurt, I'm really happy that we're friends, and I guess you're going to forgive Blaine if he has a reasonable explanation for this whole mess, but I want you to know all your options. I've kind of...come to regret that we decided so early to just be friends. I think that it might have been a little premature. So, if things with Blaine don't work out, if you want to, I'd be willing to try being...something more."

He rose, walked around the table to Kurt, bent down and, with only a moment's hesitation, kissed him firmly on the lips. Then he smiled.

"Just to give you something to think about."

As Adam left the coffee shop, Kurt remained seated, stunned, with a hand pressed against his lips.

He had really been given a lot to think about.


	12. Chapter 12

**Last chapter!**

"Really, what is it with people always kissing me without a warning?"

"You're just that hot, Kurt, they can't help it."

"Yeah, that must be it."

Kurt snorted. He had been venting to Rachel on the phone for the last ten minutes and was starting to be able to see the situation with humor. What was it with Adam? First he made really helpful suggestions that might actually help saving Kurt's and Blaine's realtionship, and not half an hour later, he made a move on Kurt?

First Blaine and then Adam. Really, had the men in his life all gone crazy? Was there some strange virus afloat? Would his dad call next to recount his black friday shopping adventures?

He still hadn't told Rachel about Blaine, and he didn't want to, not when he still hoped they could work it all out, so he ended the call. He was nearly home anyway.

When he arrived home, he nearly stepped on something that was sitting on the mat in front of the door. It was a bunch of roses, two yellow and one red, and an envelope. He smiled, knowing exactly who had sent these, and sat down on the top step to read in privacy.

_Kurt,_

_I don't know how mad you are. I imagine pretty much, and that's why I use the coward's method of writing a letter instead of explaining to you face to face, always provided you'd let me. But in my imagination, you've told Rachel, and she would burst in from time to time and try to kill me for hurting you, and you would just sit there, silently judging me and looking so hurt and disappointed (as you have every right to be), and then I would either die (if Rachel succeeded) or at least start crying. So, I'll try this way to get everything out in a mostly coherent way, and leave you to make your decision.  
_

_First you must know something. I know we have never told each other, and this is certainly not the way I imagined I would tell you for the first time, but...I love you. So, so much. I think I started falling for you when I first saw you in a coffee shop in August, and this is where my explanation for all this mess really begins. You were on a date with who I know now was Adam, and you were laughing. Your head was tilted a little backwards, and your eyes sparkled, and I think I forgot breathing for a while because you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. You never saw me. I watched you for a while, in a completely non-creepy way (really, I promise), and I wanted so much to talk to you, but you were on a date, and it seemed to be a good one, and then you left. So I missed my chance._

_But I couldn't get you out of my head. And that's where the slightly creepy part starts. I had picked up some fragments of your and Adam's conversation, so I knew you met over a dating website, and I also knew which one. So I looked for you. And when I found you, I nearly choked when I saw your preferences, but somehow, the plan to pretend immediately formed, although I tried to talk myself out of it for several days. But then I thought, it's only one date. If we didn't get along, no harm done, and if we did, I could come clean and you could decide if you wanted a second date or not._

_Then our date happened, and even with all the awkwardness it was the best first date I've ever been on, or maybe the best date, period (not counting our later dates, of course). And I really wanted to keep seeing you, so I thought, I'll tell him later, but somehow I never found the right moment, or possibly I just was too much of a coward. Of course, when we started making out, it didn't become easier, until last weekend (as you have probably figured out) I had to pretend being sick or my charade would have – literally – exploded. What irony that finally everything came out when I really got sick._

_I'm kind of glad it happened, to be honest. I don't want to pretend anymore, not with you. Would you believe me that this was the only lie I ever told you? It's a big one, admittedly, but everything else just kind of came out of that. Like I always held back a little because I was scared of accidentally revealing something, and of course I couldn't stay over because I was scared of exactly what happened this morning._

_So. Forgive me? I honestly think that this could be a good thing (and not only because, you know, I'm not impotent). And I hope you still trust me enough to believe that I will never, ever pressure you into anything you're not ready or just not in the mood for. I'm still the same guy you know, and I love you._

_Blaine _

…_.._

"Rachel?"

"Oh, hey Kurt! Have you thought about what Adam said? Will you give him a try? And what did Blaine do, exactly?"

"Can you just put these in a vase, please? I have to go."

…..

It was not that Kurt didn't mind Blaine lying to him, he did mind quite a lot. He just wasn't going to let this ruin an otherwise perfectly good thing. Because Blaine was right; all their problems were tied to that one lie, and with that out of the way, everything could only get better.

He had never actually considered Adam's offer. He had never been romantically attracted to him, and he didn't think that would change anytime soon. And either way, he had Blaine, and he intended to keep him. So he knocked on the door.

"Hi, Kurt."

"Hi."

"Did you – did you read my letter?"

"I did. And I love you, too. And I am willing to forgive you on two conditions."

The huge smile that spread on Blaine's face was tempered only a little by a slightly wary look.

"Anything. But, tell me? What conditions?"

"First, you come home with me for Christmas."

"And meet your dad? Wait, you didn't tell him about – that I – never mind. Yes. I can do that. I would be honored. What's the second condition?"

Kurt stepped into the room and closed the door. Then he pressed Blaine against it and kissed him passionately until they were both out of breath and weak in the knees.

"Second – the sex had better be fantastic."

The End.

**A/N So, that's it. I hope you enjoyed, and I thank everyone for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting. You are great.**

**If you want to, check out my next story, For in my Heart I Carry such a Heavy Load. As you can see from the title, it will be quite angsty, but somehow, it wants to be written. Seems now that I have started writing I can't stop anymore.**


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